How We Hold Space Matters! A Reflection on Trauma Informed and Nervous System Care when guiding others in healing spaces
As I prepare to bring my new programme The Sovereign Woman into the world, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to really hold a safe space in a grounded and embodied way.
Holding space is not a performance.
It’s not something we learn from a weekend worship and then add it to our instagram bio.
It is life long work and carries with it a deep responsibility and commitment to doing our own inner work before guiding others through theirs.
The truth (and it really bugs me), is that I am noticing more and more people stepping into the roles of facilitators, healers and space holders without the depth, regulation or trauma awareness that is required to do so safely. I don’t necessarily say this with judgment, but with concern and care.
Holding space is not just about being warm and inspiring, it’s about being resourced, regulated and responsible.
This is how I hold space in my work.
1. I Honor Nervous System Rhythms
I don’t push for breakthroughs.
I don’t create intensity for the sake of transformation.
I understand that safety comes first - always - and healing unfolds in layers, not rushed catharsis.
2. I Lead From Lived Experience
I walk this path myself.
I don’t pretend to be perfect.
I have learnt and know, how to sit in the dark without fleeing.
I know how to listen and to hold what is real.
I believe in truth over theory, voice over performance and presence over perfection.
3. I Centre Deep Care
Not just during the experience, but before and after.
I offer integration, reflection and after-care - because what happens after retreats or workshops is as important as what happens within it. Follow up is part of the holding.
4. I Am Trauma Aware - Not Trauma Exploitive
I understand the physiology of stress, shame, trauma and safety.
I don’t trigger people into emotional release for the sake of healing, I pace gently.
I don’t use other people’s pain as teaching tools or to sell anything.
I understand that trauma lives in the body and nervous system and true healing requires gentleness, slowness and consent.
I offer space not pressure.
5. I Hold Place For Sovereignty
I don’t try to fix,, save or impress.
I trust in each person’s inner knowing.
I will not abandon you when it gets hard.
I will hold space for your sovereignty and not override it with my own agenda.
I don’t place myself above anyone - I walk beside you.
6. Intersectional Inclusivity
I welcome the full spectrum of womanhood: this is not a space built for one kind of woman
I honour the complexity of being human
I believe inclusivity is not just a nice idea but an act of integrity
I refuse to tokenise
I remind myself that I do not have to be perfect to do this work, and I also have a responsibility to treat the people that come to me in their most tender, vulnerable states, with reverence and honest care.
All healing work deserves depth and presence and much more than just a curated aesthetic or hashtag.
So this is my promise to you;
That I will continue to do the slow, sometimes invisible lifetime work of becoming the space holder that I wish I’d experienced in my earlier days of my own inner healing
That I will always lead from my becoming - not from my branding
I will always stay rooted in intention and care - not performance - this is not about me -it’s about you.
My work is rooted in truth, not trends. In the body, not the brand and what is real, not marketable.
Because how we hold space matters and the spaces we hold become part of the repair and every woman that walks through the door deserves nothing less x