Yoga, Body Image, and our Daughters
Next year I turn 50! It has certainly crept up on me and I am working hard not to allow the cultural standards of beauty interpret how I approach aging and the way I feel about myself. I do feel that society views aging as undesirable and even scary and something to be avoided and not embraced. There is definitely a cultural expectation to look a certain way - to stay young and youthful for as long as possible. I myself choose not to be defined by these expectations or live my life fitting into someone else’s projections of how I should look, behave or be. It’s hard at times as, it goes against the grain of our culture and the constant advertising that surrounds us.
I never want to apologise for the natural process of ageing or the inevitable changes in my body that will continue to come. My middle is thicker, my hair greyer, my wrinkles are deeper and I have no interest in trying to re-create the body of my youth through hard-core exercise and depletion.
I sometimes feel the judgement of other women when I tell them I am a yoga teacher with a less than perfect ‘yoga body’. I also know and have studied that the comparison and competition between women is a pervasive disease and that body shaming is a bonding mechanism between them that makes them feel better. I have also learnt that it’s a superficial sisterhood and is fuelled by anxiety and shame, based on seeking external approval and admiration.
I see it in women of every age, my 16-year-old daughter and her friends, some of my clients and some of my own friends. It’s the ‘no pain, no gain’ mentality; the validation of ourselves from the outside in, and it’s a social and cultural issue that we need to change.
The best way to do this is to do it from within, to live it ourselves, to be the change. If not for ourselves but for our daughters, to show them that what they stand for comes from within and that ‘who they are’ is so much more important than ‘how they look’. This teaches them to come from a place of inner reference of authenticity, acceptance and self-value rather than being externally defined by their body and appearance.
Some other ways to help enhance your child’s self-worth are:
Encourage exercise to FEEL GOOD , not as a way to self-punish or burn calories.
Put the scales away! It is mind-blowing to me that young girls should even be contemplating dieting when their bodies are undergoing so much change. They will become stuck on the ‘diet treadmill’ for life. Dieting takes up so much time and attention and becomes ‘the thief of joy and spontaneity’. Teens should be enjoying themselves and having fun through their high school years.
Model body acceptance and don’t obsess too much about appearance, thinness, make-up, wrinkles and outer-appearance. This teaches children that appearance is what is most valued by their families and the external world.
Compliment effort and skill, and not accomplishment all the time.
Talk about the character qualities that you admire in your child - not what they look like all the time - its ok to tell your kids that they look good in an outfit but this should be outweighed by telling them the qualities that you admire in them.
Talk about the role of selfies and how they can encourage self-objectification and self-consciousness. Real life is not defined by just ‘photos’, ‘selfies’ and ‘likes’.
Set boundaries around use of social media and model healthy technology habits by being aware of how much time you spend on your own devices.
I am so passionate about teaching young girls and women the power of body acceptance and internal worth which is why I have developed the Free to Be Me interactive programs for tween girls and She Is Lit for teen girls. These programs are designed to support the development of self-aware, self- resilient young women. Some of the topics we cover are ‘Sisterhood & Finding My Tribe’, ‘Lighthouses’, ‘Digital Nutrition’, ‘My Body Is My Temple’ and much, much more. You can find out more HERE.
I believe that the dedication we mothers have for our own children can become a wider commitment to preserving the future of our life on this planet. I certainly wish someone had encouraged me with these guidelines when I was a young girl, however it has become my passion and purpose to guide other young girls on this journey through young adulthood.
With deep care and gratitude for our children and their journey.
Tanya