My Mid-Life Diagnosis With ADHD and How Everything Finally Made Sense

It all started earlier this year, with a conversation over coffee with a friend whose husband had been recently diagnosed with ADHD. Understanding his symptoms was the first step in rescuing and repairing their troubled marriage.  Her daughter, who knows my son well, mentioned that my son’s behaviour seemed similar to her dad’s, which my friend mentioned to me! 

So my curiosity piqued, I dove headfirst into researching the symptoms of ADHD. And over the next week, I listened to podcasts, read books and spoke to others that had children with formal diagnoses of ADHD.  After all this research I realised that both my son, Ewen and my daughter, Laura and yes, even I, exhibited classic ADHD symptoms and suddenly EVERYTHING MADE SENSE. 

This epiphany led me straight to the neurodivergent psychologist who just happens to work in a room off my studio, a couple of days a week.  After an informal evaluation, she confirmed what I had suspected - we all had ADHD. It’s actually a well known fact that ADHD is highly hereditary. 

Talk about a family bonding experience!

The emotions that followed were a whirlwind. Relief washed over me, my disorganisation and super sensitivity didn’t make me a defective human being after all. Feeling like I was different and didn’t belong, as though I was watching the world from the outside and not quite fitting in, became valid in that moment. Then came grief, as I wondered how different my life may have been if I had known this sooner. Maybe I could have been taught different strategies so I didn’t have to numb my big feelings and the overwhelm I felt, through disordered eating, alcohol and cocaine for so long. 

Of course there were feelings of guilt too. For not recognising the signs in my children and hence not being able to support them with strategies and tools to manage their symptoms into adulthood. In hindsight, the writing was on the wall, the “fast feeling” my son used to get when he was a kid, my daughter’s dreadful anxiety, school reports of them being distracted and not focused, being late ALL the time. I honestly just put it down to “teenage hood” and the fact that they used their technology waaaayyyyy too much.  

My psychologist reassured me that it is quite common for women to discover their own ADHD symptoms whilst supporting their children through diagnosis and, in fact, that women are profoundly undiagnosed because our symptoms are often internalised (anxiety, disordered eating, addictions) and because we are high functioning. Boys are often diagnosed with ADHD earlier because they often exhibit more externalised behaviours such as hyperactivity, emotional outbursts and impulsivity. 

ADHD brains, also known has neurodivergent, work differently from neurotypical (factory standard) brains and we are not flawed humans because our brains work differently!! 

Hallelujah to that!  

I have always been a “big picture” girl. 

From the moment I met my husband 25 years ago I always said to him that I wasn’t born for the small stuff and it all makes so much sense to me (and him) now. 

Thankfully, I have naturally been drawn to the practices of yoga and mindfulness and I believe they have helped me to learn to self regulate and calm my nervous system. 

 I have also implemented supportive scaffolding to help me function in the areas of my life where  I have trouble. Time management, organising and planning are like foreign languages to me. Keeping my desk tidy and  things organised are all things I struggle with in my daily life and so I have someone that helps me with all that (thanks Nadine). 

How empowering it is that “when we know better, we can do better”. 

I really believe that my diagnosis has been a life changing gift, offering me clarity and understanding about my unique way of processing the world. 

My brain functions differently, not deficiently and my struggles are not personal failures but part of my neurodivergent wiring.  

My diagnosis has freed me from the confusion and the sense of loneliness and “being different” that has been a shadow in my life for so long. 

 I realise that my sensitivity is actually a strength (not a weakness) and is a source of empathy and deep care for this world and the people in it. 

And, the cherry on top, without even realising it, the practices of yoga and mindfulness have been instrumental in helping me manage and navigate the “tangle” and chaos and find a sense of balance in my life.

I am not broken, I just think “outside the box”!